Doesn’t Want You But Won’t Let You Go

Letting go of toxic people should not make you feel like you are being cruel. It’s an act of self-care. 

People can be so toxic to your health. It makes me so mad when I can see someone preventing their ex from moving on by playing with their head, making it seem like they will one day be an ‘us’ again.

They don’t want you but they won’t let you go either. 

You gave them all your efforts and energy for them to not appreciate the goodness you bring into their life. As soon as you become strong enough to leave their good for nothing ass, they suddenly want you. They want to love you, they want to treat you right. You believe this and you give them that chance and hope they start acting they way you really need them too. At the end of the day, it is not about wanting, it’s about needing the right characteristics of another human to satisfy your health and sanity. A week goes by and they are behaving in the right ways and you stop questioning the relationship and feel ecstatic that they have changed.

But it was all fake.

Their old habits of mistreating you and showing you nothing but disinterest appears again and you hurt. You hurt so bad. Yet, you give them a chance AGAIN because you have the strength and faith within yourself which they do not. They do not have the strength to be a better person, to show you your worth. However, they proclaim their love for you and you surrender to this. You want it to work so bad.

After so long, the cycle breaks. You find that real strength to leave them. You find the courage to quit the drug you call love and say enough is enough. You have walked away.

You go out more, you show interest in other people more, you have fun! Of course they don’t like that and they make you aware that they don’t like that. They tell you that you have changed. They tell you that you aren’t who they thought you were. They tell you they are glad you aren’t together anymore. This anger they display is a dick reaction. They want you to feel guilty for having fun and they want you to behave in a way they approve of. They want to control you.

This is not love. 

Sucking up to you for a week and making flaccid attempts to be the person you want them to be is not proof that they are trying. It is just proof that they know how to manipulate and get inside of your mind to make you believe that they have changed. A lot of people do not know what it is like to be loved by a real woman or man. A lot of people do not know what love feels like. All you know is desire, excitement, lewdness but this also brings isolation, fear and insecurities. Yet you think that is love?

Recognise what love is. Recognise what you are worth. Recognise that they ain’t shit.

A real woman/man would act right from the start so to not ruin things, not promising to act right after they have screwed up. Telling someone to change for you is not love but a grown person changing on their own because they know they aren’t themselves without you is love.

You will know when you have found a real man when they don’t play games like the others did with you. They won’t run from commitment, they won’t sabotage the good, they won’t lie or cheat or make themselves distant. They don’t entertain other women, they don’t string you along or make you feel insecure. They protect and care. A true gentleman will make you feel safe, help you rid of anxiety, there will be no guessing and no competition.

A real woman who loves makes sure you feel free, no permission needed. They look after you, they believe in equality in the relationship, they don’t make you feel threatened. They make everything meaningful, they communicate, they put you at ease and support your every move.

It angers me seeing people be this controlling and manipulative. It angers me seeing people being strung along. It also angers me seeing people fall for this bull. But nothing is more uplifting than seeing them walk away and move on. Show us who you really are behind that wall of melanchonic emotion.

I am lucky I notice these signs of right and wrong. But I am not lucky to have learnt it the hard way at a young age of 16 putting me off the idea of love and turning me into a fragile, heavy guarded girl. Nearly 21 years of age and only just realising that not all humans are toxic. That there are real men and women out there searching for the ideal relationship. Shame they are hidden beneath social media obsessed, shallow, unfaithful and manipulating bunch of monsters who don’t treat you good.

Real men/women will treat you in the way they want to be treated.

They treat you like they don’t want to lose you. Recognise love and you will recognise where your future lays. 

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