Can You Talk That Talk

Before I begin I just want to clarify that I am aware girls have weak chat up skills also but I will go in to that later.

Trying to impress some of us girls these days is like trying to take a shit without an asshole. Impossible. So I really do feel you lads.

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Girls are ruthless bitches when it comes to receiving messages off boys. They will either air it, reply in a nice manner or will reply as if they are the next Beyonce all sassy and nasty. I know this because I admit I have done all 3 and I know many who have. Girls will shame boys whether that means by screenshotting and posting it publicly or just by writing a status/tweet about the scenario and not naming.

But seriously boys. Some of you could do a lot better than what we receive.

I appreciate it when boys compliment my blog and all but it is becoming a common habit that people are just using that as an excuse to start talking to me. You complimented my blog, I said thank you end of (unless you have questions then I am sublimely happy to answer). But nope, most of the time they reply with ‘how you doing anyway?’ I feel rude not replying so I will reply but then a conversation begins and I have to just find a polite way to get out of it and it is just so annoying. I’m just not interested in speaking to anyone because I cba with that. I appreciate genuine compliments though so don’t stop, keep making my head big xoxoxox

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Girls instagram message requests are hilarious to read. I am sorry guys I know you are trying but come on. I don’t mind half shaming some as most of them do not even live in this country and the other half are 16 year olds sending what they think are cute emojis. I was once sent a message saying ‘ugh be mine’ alongside a picture of this guy in the gym but all you could see was his noodle arm and longer than knee length shorts, nothing else. Like am I supposed to be turned on by that? Seriously though, my arm is probably thicker than his arm. The again it is better than being sent an ugly dick pic. Wow I also remember being sent a scary ass selfie with lots of eggplant emojis and water drops emojis. That shit really swooned me…

What is the thing with eggplant emojis anyway? 

OH and the other day a lad I have never even spoken to, and had 0 mutual friends, messaged me ‘You are so beautiful x’ His profile picture was of him and his girlfriend… So yeah I did reply ‘Does your girlfriend know you are being sly? No, ok I will tell her.’ And that is how you ladies should be replying if you know he has a girlfriend and vice versa with you boys. No point being a home wrecker, be a hero.

Fuck off with these please:

How much does a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice. Oh good one not heard that before.

Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy is getting smashed tonight. STUNNING.

The things I’d do to you. Yeah please don’t go on.

Hey want to come over and cuddle? Sorry I don’t know you why are you asking me this? Bent fuck, who asks to cuddle a stranger? Creep.

*monkey face emoji* *eggplant emoji* *fire emoji* *eyes emoji* These are all beggy as fuck, do you not know how to use words?

Since when did food represent sex??

Some chat up lines can be super funny but they need to be original and flirty.

Now, ladies. We need to talk. What is this I hear about some of you shamelessly sending nudes to guys you have never spoken to? Like that is the first message you want to send a guy… AND OVER SNAPCHAT. Whaaaaaat?! That is not how you get a guy to like you no. That is how you end up in the boys group chat getting shamed hun. The perks of having lad mates… you hear all the crazy shit girls send. Remember ladies, when you shame a lad for being a beggy little shit, claiming every lad is the same, think of all the girls doing exactly the same but boys don’t publicize it as much. It is not just lads who send shit dick pics, girls send mangled fanny pics too.

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There is nothing more annoying than when a guy repeatedly sends the same message over long periods of time. Yeah okay it has been 3 months now why are you still sending ‘hey :)xx.’ If I don’t reply the first time what makes you think I will the 20th time. I have seen with my own eyes girls triple message a guy if they don’t reply after a day. I know guys do this but I never expected a lady to do this! If I messaged someone something like ‘hello’ or whatever and the recipient reads it and ignores it I would think fuck okay I just got pied and move on because I would feel embarrassed (that is just me though, I get embarrassed easily). I wouldn’t think ‘ahh gheee he ignored me lets message him again, and again, oh and again.’ Like yeah triple text him if you know him well enough and if that little bitch be ignoring you and you want to make sure he aint with that hoe, but be strong. Hold on for a bit longer if this is you messaging them for the first time.

For real though???

I have also just realised that everything I have referred to has been based on messages sent on social media. What a sad world we live in.

There is probably some other freaky shit that goes down in peoples dm’s but I have just written some of the things I have experienced and I have also probably missed out some of the really funny stuff I have seen.

So, what have we learnt today? That people have no shame. Shockerrrrrr







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