(*Lightbulb moment* The post was previously ‘how to piss off your man’ but clearly its changed. As I was writing this I realised that this is actually more like advice on how to be a crazy bitch and we all know this annoys a man so why not draw in both and purposely annoying your man is kinda crazy anyway?? So here I am passing you my psycho wisdom as I leave that life behind.)

I feel sorry for you guys. We give you so much grief but you deserve it sometimes though. It can actually be really hard to annoy guys sometimes as they care less about the things us women will easily get annoyed over and we then annoy ourselves cause they aren’t annoyed. GOD we are so annoying. (This leads to the first point of this post. If he doesn’t get annoyed by something you would be annoyed at then get yourself annoyed and in a mood cause it will most likely make him in a mood)

Easy one: Force him to talk about his feelings and shit.

He ain’t even your man but tell people he is your man. They love it when you do that.

Steal his phone when he’s not there and check up on him. Go mental at anything you find.

Even if you find nothing, go bananas that he had the nerve to let a girl snapchat him!!! Ohh how dare he. Delete her then.

Instead of asking him why he liked that girls picture or why you saw her name pop up on his texts, just accuse him of cheating.

Cry to him every time you are drunk:

“I’m just not good enough for you boo hoo cry cry”


“I saw you looking at that slag! Why don’t you just go fuck her”

Send him 15 angry texts because he didn’t reply to your first one…that you sent 5 minutes ago. Could also drop in here the ‘you were probably busy speaking to your other hoes’ line.

Tell him repeatedly that you’re ‘fine’ when he asks if you are ok but really you aren’t ‘fine.’

And then continue to be blunt with him which leads to him still asking what is wrong because you’ve made such a massive deal out of this now.

Then you finally tell him that you’re annoyed because he didn’t cuddle you after sex and then he gets even more annoyed because it’s a ‘STUPID’reason to be annoyed and then he ignores you.

So what do you do? Cry of course. He will most likely comfort you but still be pissed at you.

Ooo I know. Tell him you feel fat and ugly and then reject any nice response he says about you. Any thing negative he says, even the smallest bit of negativity, react to, in a hysterical way. Be a crazy woman.

Leave your hair grips sporadically around his room. You know, just to remind of your eternity of love.

Regularly take sly pictures of him looking spangled and extremely dutty and ones of him asleep then post them all over social media. (This one might back fire as he may do it back to you so always look on point, be camera ready. Be poppin!!’)

Insult his friends on a regular basis. Especially his girl pals.

Tell him he is going grey or bald…or both.

Be indecisive like ALL the time. “Where you wanna eat” “oh I don’t mind anywhere” let this go on for quite some time. Then when he chooses the place moan and cause a fuss that you don’t like it causing the whole cufuffle all over again. Do the same for any question that requires choice and decision making.

He’s not your man cause some other bitch is on the scene. Don’t let them get together, break them up. Do whatever it takes.

Make fake profiles and catfish so you can stalk to the death.

Take up all the bed and covers and moan at him the next day for snoring and leaving you cold.

Start play fighting with him then really hurt him cause you feel he deserves it but make out it was an accident. Ooops…

Every girl has the potential to be a crazy annoying girlfriend! It’s just your choice whether you turn her into one cause yeah we will blame you or an ex or some fuckwad.

We will never not annoy you and most will be loose cannons no matter what age we are. In fact we get better with age. Bunny boilers everywhere. Good luck all.

Now you all know why I am single… but I’ve changed future rich boyfriend promise xoxoxo

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